eGZact as … or not

Stuff and shit… from all over the web

Posts Tagged ‘pussy’

Voodoo Dick

Posted by eGZact on October 29, 2007

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he’d try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man.

“Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …” said the old man, and then he stopped.

“Except what?” asked the businessman.

“Nothing, nothing,” said the old man.

“C’mon, tell me! I need something!” protested the businessman.

“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is the ‘voodoo dick,'” the old man said.

“So what’s up with this voodoo dick?” the businessman asked. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Stuff and shit... | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pussy willow

Posted by eGZact on October 29, 2007

An old man was sitting on his rocking chair when little Billy walked by carrying a roll of chicken wire. The old man asked, “Where are you going, Billy?” Little Billy replied, “To catch some chickens!” The old man told him you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire, but a little while later Billy returned with some chickens.

The next day, the old man saw Billy walk by again, this time with some duct tape. The old man asked, “Where are you going, Billy?” Little Billy replied, “To catch some ducks!” The old man told him you can’t catch ducks with duct tape, but a little while later Billy returned with some ducks.

The next day, the old man saw Billy walk by again, this time with some pussy willow.

“Hold on, son, I’m coming with you!”

Posted in Stuff and shit... | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

The creation of a Pussy

Posted by eGZact on October 28, 2007

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

Posted in Stuff and shit... | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Huuuge Pussy

Posted by eGZact on October 27, 2007

A huuuge pussy…

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Stuff and shit... | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Beer vs. Pussy

Posted by eGZact on October 26, 2007

Pussy vs. Beer

A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
— Advantage: Beer

A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot.
— Advantage: Pussy

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
— Advantage: Beer

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not.
— Advantage: Draw

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
— Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in.
— Advantage: Pussy

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
— Advantage: Pussy

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
— Advantage: Beer

If you come home smelling like beer, Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Stuff and shit... | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »