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The Devil’s Dictionary – “Y”

Posted by eGZact on October 26, 2007

YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our

Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.

(See DAMNYANK.)

YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire

past of age.

But yesterday I should have thought me blest

To stand high-pinnacled upon the peak

Of middle life and look adown the bleak

And unfamiliar foreslope to the West,

Where solemn shadows all the land invest

And stilly voices, half-remembered, speak

Unfinished prophecy, and witch-fires freak

The haunted twilight of the Dark of Rest.

Yea, yesterday my soul was all aflame

To stay the shadow on the dial’s face

At manhood’s noonmark! Now, in God His name

I chide aloud the little interspace

Disparting me from Certitude, and fain

Would know the dream and vision ne’er again.

Baruch Arnegriff

It is said that in his last illness the poet Arnegriff was

attended at different times by seven doctors.

YOKE, n. An implement, madam, to whose Latin name, _jugum_, we owe

one of the most illuminating words in our language — a word that

defines the matrimonial situation with precision, point and poignancy.

A thousand apologies for withholding it.

YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum,

Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of

endowing a living Homer.

Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on earth

again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with

whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and

cows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice never

is heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and,

howling, is cast into Baltimost!

Polydore Smith

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